I'm a liberal pagan living in West, Texas. Yes. That West, Texas.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

......HENRIETTA AND DAM NEWS.......


This happened about a month ago, when Nancy Pelosi became head of da house...I was at the library and commIted to Henrietta (who is a Catholic, prude, republican) about I wish they would impeach Bush and Cheney(sometimes I say shit like this just to watch that one eye of hers twitch and her mouth jerk sideways..She was horrified. She said 'No, then that Nancy woman would be president."..I said 'What would be wrong with that?'...she said she would try to make everyone like the rest of them in San Francisco....homosexuals.'(I swear to the Goddess I am not making this up.) Shaking my head, I said 'Henrietta, no one can make you homosexual, besides I don't have any problems with homosexuals, I don't even think about their sex life.....No more than I think about you and George having sex, I don't think about other people having sex'...longgggggggggggg pause...."Do you think about homosexuals having sex all the time Henrietta?...do you think about people having sex at all? I don't meet someone and think, gee I wonder how he and his wife have sex, does she get on top or does he make her bend over...?" Holy shit!......
I thought she was going to dislocate her jaw and twitch to death...Sh
e snapped her mouth shut so fast and tight I'm surprised he didn't chip her teeth...since then we haven't had any more conversations on homosexuals...Dangit!
Ok, the DAM N
ews....Last Wed. Patients, doctors and advocates gathered in Austin to encourage the Legislature to pass a bill allowing a medical defense to marijuana possession charges..
Yeah, this w
ill happen when Henrietta holds a wine and smokes party for Gays and Lesbians.

'Toke Toke Toke that Cigarette...'

This is a quote from the Points section in the Sunday paper..
"I will not be part of any church that unleashes its clergy to preach that particular individuals or faith groups are damned."---Don Lar
sen, former Pentecostal pastor and ex-U.S. Army chaplain, who converted to Wicca after witnessing religious strife in Iraq.
Yes, lets hear it for the Wicca's and Pagans...

Report:Infant mortality rate at a 10-year high..
The inf
ant mortality rate in Dallas County is the highest it's been in 10 years.Experts attribute the rise in infant mortality to several factors, including barriers to prenatal care and health insurance. The leading causes of infant death are premature birth(55%), congenital abnormalities(23%), infections(6%) and sudden infant death syndrome (5%). The report also found that significant racial disparities exist. In 2004, 49% of the infants who died were Hispanic, 35% were black and 11% were white.
I wonder of that 49% Hispanic babies how many were born of illegal parents?...But since they can't ask that question of them,we won't know
..and can someone please tell me where Hispain is????


This may be the weirdest thing I read this week...
QUESTIONS SWIRL AROUND GREEN MOUNTAIN IN CHINA...
Shanghai,China--Villagers in Fumin County are wondering why a barren mountainside was painted green. Workers who began spraying Laosh
ou Mountain last August said they were doing so on orders of the county government but were not told why, media reports said...A woman who answered the phone at the county forestry department but refused to give her name said, "This is an order from above. You should ask the leader from above.".....(They would ask him but he is too busy building toy bombs)

COIN SUGGESTS CLEOPATRA WAS NO LOOKER.
London--Maybe Mark Antony loved Cleopatra for her mind. That's the conclusion being drawn by academics at the University Of Newcastle from a Roman denarius coin that depicts the Egyptian queen as a sharp
-nosed and thin-lipped with a protruding chin.When we think of Cleopatra we think of Elizabeth Taylor's Cleo, but she looked more like this...

She is butt ugly..So I figure she either was brilliant or gave great head...or possibly both...I like the idea that she is butt ugly...Butt ugly and still did some serious damage to the Roman Empire..Sort of a Egyptian version of Ugly Betty..

Rem
ember back when I said I was confused why Good Hair Perry was endorsing a bill to make it mandatory for all girls under the age of 18 to have the HPV shot..??????? It's all coming perfectly clear now...MONEY...THE GREEN STUFF...LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF GREEN STUFF..
Gov. Ric
k(Good Hair)Perry's chief of staff met with key aides about the HPV vaccine the same day its manufacturer (Merck & Co.) donated to his campaign...Chief of Staff Deirdre Delisi's calendar shows she met with the governor's budget director and three members of his office for an "HPV Vaccine for Children Briefing" on Oct. 16th.
That day, New Jersey-based Merck & Co.'s political action committee donated $5,000 to Perry, $2,500 to comptroller c
andidate Susan Combs and $2,000 to four state lawmakers.(This is the money we know about, this doesn't count the under the table money I am sure was passed..) The calendar and other documents obtained by the AP show Mr. Good Hair's office began meeting with Merck lobbyists about the vaccine as early as mid-August, months before social conservatives-who are now those most outraged by the order-helped re-elect him in November.
Good Hair spokesman Robert Black said the timing of the meeting and the donation was a coincidence.(Yeah, fucking right.)The order the governor issued this month directed the Texas Health and Human Services to adopt rules requiring the
shots for girls entering sixth grade as of September, 2008...
That fucker...it's always about money with them fucking republ
icans..I wonder how all those conservatives feel about re-electing him now?....Reminds me of the story about the rabbit and the snake both needing to cross the river...I'm sure you all know it...moral of the story...don't be surprised when you get bit by a snake no matter what he tells you..that's what snakes do...

This
was not so much funny as sad...A couple of weeks ago a man was found dead and mummified in front of his TV after a year...The TV was still going ...No one checked on him...no one cared...that is just fucking sad...I would probably be found before I became a mummy, but not before Annie had dined on me...

THE HIGHER POWER OF LUCKY...
Have ya'll heard about the shit hitting the fan over this kids book?..
O
n the first page of the book The Higher Power of Lucky, by Susan Patron, this year's winner of the Newberry Medal, the most prestigious award in children's literature.The book's heroine, a scrappy 10-year-old orphaned Lucky Trimble, hears the word through a hole in a wall when another character says he saw a rattlesnake bite his dog, Roy, on the scrotum.
"Scrotum sounded to Lucky like something green that comes up when you have the flu and cough too much," the book continues. "It so
unded medical and secret, but also important."...Librarians all over the country are having shit fits...saying it was a 'Howard Stern-type shock treatment just to see how far they could push the envelope..
It has been banned from Libraries in the South,the West and the Northeast. The book is written for children 9-12 but that some librarians countered that since the heroine is 10, children older than that would not be interested in reading it...(not before maybe, but I bet you a Dublin Dr. Pepper they will be flocking to the Library to read it now.)One teacher who is pushing the banning said t
hat she has heard from dozens of librarians who agree with her stance. "I don't want to start an issue about censorship,"she said."But you won't find men's genitalia in quality literature."
"At least not for children," she said...

Oh for fuck's sake..get a life you old hens...
I am going to work at the library Tuesday and Saturday for Henrietta...I think I will ask her to get the book for the library..I'll say one thing for ole H...nothing gets her riled up more than censorship and people telling her to pull some book off her shelf..(well, other than
me and my conversations about homosexuals)...she'll buy a copy full price just to piss them off...
(PS.......Wrote this yesterday to post today..worked at the library and was looking at new books that need to be cataloged and put out..guess what I found???? yup..."The Higher Power Of Lucky.'...Henrietta had already bought it...that's my gal...)

OK, that's all the news that's fit to print...
fuckme till I'm censored..

19 comments:

Unknown said...

And just what would the bible thumpers want a little boy to call his nads? Or is he not supposed to ever look down and wonder what those dangly things are>

I read somewhere that Cleo was renown for her wit and brains, that she was unusual for a woman of her time because she could talk politics and stragity with the men. So I guess even back then brains in a woman counted for someting, and of course the fact that she had her own country didn't hurt.........

OH: I'm almost finished with EVEN COWGIRLS GET THE BLUES, this damn cold makes my eyes burn and I can't read much at a time

Cie Cheesemeister said...

Henrietta sounds like some of my relatives. I grew up in such a homophobic environment that I actually thought that being touched by someone gay can turn you gay. Imagine my horror when one night in my teen years I had one of those disturbing but harmless "going against your sexual orientation" dreams--of course it also had to be with someone I would NEVER touch even if I were a lesbian, just to make things all the creepier! I really thought I had been turned into a lesbian!
Fortunately I got out my Highway to Hell album and looked at good ole Bon Scott in his skin tight white pants and was cured immediately! ;-)
Yes, let's hear it for the Wiccans and Pagans and for religious tolerance! Right on!

texlahoma said...

I was going to comment but read some more, then I was going to comment on that but read further now I'm curled up in a fecal position (that means a turd-like position), sucking my thumb. (I don't think it is the post but more my state of mind-lessness)

apositivepessimist said...

Fuck I laughed. Yer a shit-stirring Piece you are. Bloody LOVE it.

We heard about that old dude. Indeed bloody sad but pretty prevalent in today's society huh. Well maybe not the mummification usually it's just a great big puddle of what once was.

Gotta love Henrietta.

apositivepessimist said...

Up Yours and Henrietta's bum.

Wonder if Etta felt me. hee.

mckait said...

OMGoddess! Why do I ever let a day pass without coming to your blog, I wonder?
I laughed till i cried over henrietta... I too love to stir folks up that way, but I am nowhere near as good at it as you are...

so sad about that man.. clearly he died of loneliness...

censorship makes me nauseous. Although I have to say when I heard about the book, my thought was.. um, why? but censorship makes me ill. If henny-babe will not buy it, maybe you can take up a collection and order it yourself!

have a wonderful day you wonderful goddess
!

You have started my day with a laugh, and that is good!

Me said...

OK, so "Henrietta" is my neighbor. They're everywhere.
Oh, and on the subject of The Coiffure, I saw an interview with him in which he said he could not guarantee he would serve out his full 4-year term as gov. Why, you ask? Get this. The Coiffure wants to be repuke VP candidate.
BwaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaHaaaaaaa

the rube said...

i didn't get to where i am today by worrying about a scrotum.

well, i do worry about the effect of aging on the old scrotum but that's another story.

Ol' Lady said...

with you around Henrietta doesn't have to worry about heart failure...you just keep shockin her...keep up the good work :)

Beansidhe said...

"You won't find mens genitalia in quality literature.."

Unless the book entitled "Self-castration The Easy Way" is already out on loan. Then there's a good chance that you'll find a pair of 'nads clamped between the pages of War & Peace.

The Lazy Iguana said...

The right has been going on and on about "San Fransisco Values" for years now. Mostly from that ass Bill O'Reilly.

In the last round of elections, when the Republicans got their ass kicked, Bill was trying to use Nancy as speaker of the house, spreading San Fransisco Values to the congress as a rally point to get the sheep to rush out and vote Republican.

Your friend has clearly fallen for the ploy.

Normy said...

Haha... Henrietta...
That's funny she's so concerned about homosexuals, yet doesn't agree with banning books! LOL. And what pre-teen doesn't know what a scrotum is, anyhow?

I heard that story about the mummified man watching TV too... but why didn't the power company ever shut him off for not paying the light bill??

Pixie said...

Poor misguided Henrietta LOL
Actually I was watching something the other week (I for get what t was now) but they were saying lesbians in a relationship tend to not even have sex after a few months because in most relationships its the man who keeps the sex alive where as women prefer the closeness( although this could be a load of BS because I don't think I would want to do with out sex!)

Heidi said...

I was going to say to start spiking Henrietta's coffee with soy milk and then let her know that the brilliant Jim Lutz-Nutz has determined drinking soy milk makes you gay....but I think the old Hen redeemed herself by buying the book.

You might be able to make her a born-Republican-now-Democrat, Grannie but you've got your work cut out!

Jan said...

I keep waiting for the production of The Scrotum Monologues what with all the publicity that body part has been receiving.

jan from poodles and dogs

yellowdoggranny said...

Junebugg: I don't think scrotum is as bad as some of the names we have for them..nuts, balls, gonads..etc...That book even cowgirls get the blues has been read by at least 15 people..was passed all over hill country in texas then to west in central texas...pass her on...
cei: weird the things people will believe....wiccan's and pagans rule..
tex..so I'm just to much for you ..is that what you're trying to say??
apos; I have a feeling that Henrietta isn't as proud to have your thumb up her bum as i am..
oh by the way was in store yesterday and these boys were going fishing and wanted to buy some vegemite to use for bait..told them i had a Aussie friend that would be pissed over that...ha
yeah, I love poking at old Henrietta..she's just so easy..but she makes up for it by her anti-censorship stand...
Kath: glad I made you're day start off with a smile..
old broad: good hair perry can't make a good governor, why would we want him for a vp...?????ugh
ruby: women get droopy boobs men get droopy balls...it all works out..
Ol lady: you think she would know better by now...huh huh..
beany: ain't THAT the truth...
Lazy iguana: like I said..henrietta is in her mid 80's and it was how she was raised...she puts up with me ..so she's got that going for her..ha
Jan:ahahhahaha, that would make a great one act play...two balls talking to each other...heheheeeee

Cie Cheesemeister said...

Jim, you wish anybody would touch you, you pathetic scrote.
Sad that we are in any way part of your fantasy life.
I wish that Tyr would take you out. But he probably has better things to do.

yellowdoggranny said...

I am going to start deleting Jim's comments..he is mean to people I care about and I won't have that...jackie

Allan said...

I like the Wiccan pastor.

Cleo's looks were unimportant - she gave great Empire.